Vegas rich Page 9

  needed. Where would she find a man as good and kind as Philip Thornton in Las Vegas? She flinched when she recalled the type of men she'd associated with in the past. Would she ever watch her own children grow and take pride in their achievements? Who would sit with her on the fi-ont porch when her hair was gray and her face full of wrinkles? Who would take care of her in her older years? What if she never married, and strangers were forced to take care of her? Who would inherit her fortune if she never married? She did want children. Golden-haired girls with big blue eyes. Girls always had a special affinity for their mothers. Girls would take care of her when she got older just the way Sallie would have taken care of her mother had she hved.

  Her muscles were cramped and her joints ached as SaUie strug-^ed from her cocoon on the window seat. Dawn was breaking and a new day was within her reach. What she did with the brand-new day was entirely up to her.

  Sallie didn't stop to think, didn't weigh the consequences of her actions, didn't allow herself to look down the road into the future. Instead, she walked down the stairs and out the front door and around the comer to the small courtyard in back and then on to the three cottages. She rapped smartly on the door of PhiHp's cottage.

  "Sallie! Is something wrong? What are you doing here?"

  "I don't know what I'm doing here. What I do know is I don't want you to leave. I'd like it very much if you stayed, and if you still want to marry me, I'm saying yes. Do you still want to marry me, Philip?"

  His eyes, sleep-filled, opened wide. "Do birds want to fly?" he asked hoarsely. "Of course I want to marry you. It's all I've dreamed of these past months. Are you sure, Sallie?"

  "I'm sure that I want to marry you. I don't know if I love you. I've never been in love, so I have nothing to compare to what I'm feeling. What if my feeling isn't love? Is that fair to you, Philip?"

  "Love is like a flower, SaUie. First you plant the seed, then it sprouts, and before you know it you have a bud that turns into a blossom. It's a gradual kind of awakening process. The best kind of love, in my opinion, starts out as friendship. We already have that. If we go forward, it can only get better. Besides, I have enough love for both of us. I need to ask you, though, what made you change your mind?"

  "I couldn't bear to see you leave. My stomach churned each time

  I thought about seeing you drive down the road with your baggage. I couldn't eat or sleep."

  "That's the first sign of love," Philip said. "Should I kiss you now, or should we wait? I have to get you a ring. It will have to be simple, I don't have much money. It won't be anything compared to those sparklers you wear."

  "You can tie a string around my finger and I'll never take it off. The size doesn't matter. We do need to talk, though; About business, about my money, about what you are going to do and where we're going to live."

  "I could live in a tent if you were at my side. I can provide and take care of you. I'm a good teacher. What I can't do is buy you jewels and fancy houses. Perhaps I can do that someday, but not right now."

  "I already have all that, Philip. I told you once, I require very lit-de. All I ever wanted was enough to eat, to know I would never go hungry, and to have a decent roof over my head so I wouldn't freeze in the winter and roast in the summer. A nice dress for church and good shoes. All the rest, Philip, is frosting on my cake. Right now, this very minute, I could walk away from here and not look back. You gave me something I never thought I would have, an education. I have my diploma. I can go to town to send a telegraph message to my sister Peggy."

  "Speaking of that diploma, we have to take your test down to Mr. Brannigan. We're doing it as a courtesy. I also want him to meet you. When are we getting married?" he asked boyishly.

  "Do you have a date in mind, Philip? I thought August might be good. I'll need to make some plans, get a wedding dress, that sort of thing. I would like to invite the people who work for me and a few of my friends. If you're agreeable, I'd like us to be married at St. Cotton Easter, and I want to sing at my own wedding. I miss singing, and I also miss working at the bingo palace. I want to get back to my old life."

  "Does that mean you don't want to be a housewife? Who's going to take care of me? What about children?" His voice was light, teasing, but Sallie sensed a seriousness behind the words.

  "I really don't have any experience in the housewife area, Philip. I'm not sure I want to get any experience, either. Su Li will take care o^ both of us. If we have children, a housekeeper will help us out. Su Li has many cousins. Are you going to be a demanding husband, Philip?"

  "I don't know. Are you going to be a demanding wife?" "More than likely. Will you like living in town?" "If you're there, I will. I love you very much, Sallie." "What about all those things we said? Will they haunt us? These past five months the whole thing just . . . just festered. If you have any doubts or if there are . . . certain things that you can't cope with, now is the time to talk about them. I don't ever want to go through something like that again."

  SaUie's jaw tightened as she remembered how hurt she'd been. "If it happens again, Philip, I will leave you. I've had enough unkind words and gestures to last me the rest of my life. Just so we understand one another. I'm sorry I woke you. I'll tell Chue he doesn't have to take you to town, I'm glad we're getting married."

  "Me too!" Philip said. "I'm very happy you decided to become my wife. I'll try to be everything you want in a husband."

  Sallie wanted to say, "And I'll be everything you want in a wife," but the words wouldn't move off her tongue. In her heart, in her mind, and in her gut, she knew she was going to fall short of Philip's expectations.

  On a bright, golden day in August, SaUie Coleman married Philip Thornton for all the wrong reasons. Philip Thornton married Sallie Coleman because he loved her with all his heart.

  When he kissed the bride after the ceremony the guests heard him say, "I will love you forever and into eternity." Those S2ime guests saw Sallie Coleman Thornton smile. Only the minister saw the unhappy shadows in her eyes.

  fc==?

  1925

  "Philip, why are you looking at me like that? I am not going to explode. I might look like I am, but it is a virtual impossibility. Pregnant women tend to look like this when they're about to deliver. Do you doubt me when I tell you I have this pregnancy under control?"

  "Of course not. Is it wise to eat so much? You look so uncomfortable, so miserable."

  Sallie stared across the table at her husband. It was all said so quietly she had to strain to hear the words. Words that irritated her. Philip irritated her. Su Li irritated her. The weather irritated her. "I don't know if it's wise or not. Actually, Philip, right now I don't care. I'm hungry, so I'm eating. If my eating habits bother you, I can take my meals in the kitchen. Yes, I am uncomfortable and miserable. There's not one damn thing I can do about it until this child decides to make his or her entrance into the world. If I had only one wish, it would be that I deliver this baby right nowV

  "Is there anything I can do for you, Sallie? I can rub your back and feet if you like."

  "Right now the only thing I want is another piece of pie. After I eat the pie I want to go to bed. Please, Philip, stop hovering.'"

  "Is that what I'm doing?"

  "It's what you've been doing since the day I told you I was pregnant. Kine months, Philip. It's been extremely difficult. I have constant indigestion. I throw up on a daily basis. I look like a giant puff pastry. It's hard to walk and harder to go up and down the stairs. I go to the bathroom at least a hundred times a day. In order to go to the bathroom, I have to go up and down the steps and walk down the hallway. I'm extremely tired and even though I sleep, it is not a restful sleep. Do you understand anything I've just said?"

  "You're making it sound like you're blaming me. We talked about it, and both of us decided we wanted a baby. If you remember, I thought we should wait till we were more settled, and you said there was no point in waiting. I agreed. I'm truly sorry you're having such a difficult time.
You know I would do anything possible to alleviate your discomfort."

  "I know that, Philip. Men tend to say things like that. It sounds rather silly to me. There is nothing you can do, and you know it. Having a baby is something only a woman can do. You can offer all the help in the world and it isn't going to change a thing. I hate it that you are miserable. I regret that I can't sit still long enough to play chess with you. I also regret that I am not interested in hearing you read love poems to me. I'm focused on having this child. Right now nothing else interest.s or matters to me. God, I hope this baby is a girl. If it is a girl, I'm going to name her after my mother."

  "Without talking to me first?" Philip asked.

  "We did talk about it. You said it was all right. I agreed to you naming a son. Why are you talking as if we never discussed it?"

  "We mentioned it in casual conversation. We didn't make a decision. A child's name is very important."

  "Philip, I am not going to get into this right now. If you'll excuse me, I'm going upstairs to bed. Please, do me a favor and sleep in the guest room. You need your rest, too, and the skimpy 2imount of bed I aUow you isn't fair. I feel like a danrn elephant."

  Sallie burst into tears before she trundled from the room.

  Lying across the bed, she beat at the pillows with clenched fists. Her mother had never looked the way she looked now. Her mother had been thin with a small protrusion in her stomach when she was pregnant. She'd also been undernourished. Her long hours of work had never stopped because of her pregnemcy. She had her babies and was up and about, taking care of the litde ones. What was wrong with her that she couldn't be the same way? Daughters were supposed to take after their mothers.

  Exhausted, Sallie slept, her dreams invaded by a procession of pregnant women, all of them looking like her mother. She woke in the early hours of dawn bathed in sweat, her stomach cramping unbearably. She knew instinctively that it was her time. Tears burned behind her eyehds as she struggled to roll over to the edge of the bed. It was a monumental task to swing her legs over the side. The effort made her light-headed. She called out for Philip and Su Li, her voice litde more than a whisper. When there was no response, she made her way to the door. Along the way she picked up her hairbrush from the dresser, which she banged first on the wall, then the door. Su Li was the first to reach her, her long, fat pigtail flip-flopping against her back. She shouted something in rapid-fire Chinese that made Salhe swoon.

  "Help me, Su Li," Sallie whispered. "God, I never experienced pain like this in my whole life. I never heard even a moan from my mother. I want to scream my head offl How can I be less a woman than my mother?"

  "Each pregnancy is different, Sallie. Each person is different," Phihp said quietiy as he scooped her up in his arms. "The one thing you need to do r^ht now is relax, hard as that may seem to you. You can't fight it, it will just make the pains that much harder."

  "What do you know about having a baby? This is my body. I feel the pain, not you. Don't tell me what to do. Not now, not ever. Oh God!"

  "I'll get the midwife. Here, let me put these pillows behind your head. I'll be right back. Su Li will stay with you."

  Twelve hours passed, and PhiHp was ready to crawl out of his skin as he paced the long corridor outside Sallie's room. Her screams ripped at his soul. He looked at his reflection in the windowpane. Surely this wild-looking creamre wasn't Phihp Thornton, soon to be a father. He hadn't shaved or bathed. What in the hell was taking so long? He banged on the door to ask, and was told to take a nap. They wanted him to take a goddamn nap. Like hell. He wanted to be right here to hear his son or daughter's first cry. So what if he looked like a tramp. His firstborn would neither know nor remember in later years.

  More hours crawled by, one after the other. He'd never heard of an eighteen-hour labor, but then he was no authority on childbirth. He remembered his brother's birth; his mother had been making cookies and he'd been sampling them in the kitchen. He'd seen the puddle on the floor where she was standing. She'd looked so pretty at that moment when she handed him two cookies and told him to go outside on the porch. He remembered a small amount of confusion when the housekeeper took his mother upstairs and then, lickety-spht, he had a baby brother. When they let him see Daniel for the first time, his mother was holding the infant, her face wreathed in smiles. "He looks just like you did, honey," she had said. "I want you always to look after him until he's old enough to fend for himself Promise me you'll love him." He'd promised because even as litde as he was, he could deny his mother nothing. That's how it was going to be with his son.

  He'd prayed daily for a son. He felt guilt and disloyalty because he knew Sallie wanted a daughter. He knew he could live with the disappointment if their firstborn was a girl, but he wasn't sure if Sallie could cope with a son. Which one of them was going to be disappointed? He wished they were back on the mountain, where things were calm and serene, but Sallie preferred living in town. He detested the house with its fancy furniture that was always covered with dust, no matter how often Su Li cleaned it. TTie windows were always dirty, and there wasn't a blade of grass to be seen. What kind of place was this to bring up a child? He could feel the anxiety start to build inside him when he thought of the grit that would cover the child's room.

  Two hours later, the midwife opened the door and showed him his new son. He reached for the child, his eyes full of love and de-

  votion. His son. His^ry^ son. The child looked just like Sallie. He knew the boy would have SaUie's summer blue eyes. He already had her blond hair. Philip felt his heart swell with love.

  "He weighs almost as much as a sack of sugar, Mr. Thornton. It was a hard labor, but as you can see, that httle bundle was worth it. He's a strapping, healthy young man. One day he will make you proud of him. I guarantee it. He's perfect, just perfect."

  '*Yes, I can see that."

  "Time to give him back to me. I imagine you want to see your wife now. Don't stay long, she's very tired."

  He'd forgotten about SaUie the moment he'd seen his son. Good God, what kind of man was he?

  PhiHp tiptoed over to the bed. "Sallie," he whispered, "it's Phihp. Pve just seen our son. I am in awe. He's perfect. Have you held him yet? I did, but only for a minute. I felt so many things, the awesome responsibility, such love that I don't have the words to describe. I want to call him Ash, Ash trees grow tall and strong. That's how my son is going to grow, tall and strong. When will you start to nurse him?"

  "Pm not. He's going to take a bottle. The first one is sugar water. You might want to give it to him."

  "What do you mean? Mothers nurse their babies unless something is wrong."

  "Twent)' hours of hell is what's wrong, Philip. Babies are given bottles all the time. When you nurse you have to be available all the time, twenty-four hours a day. Pm not a cow. It's my decision."

  "I think it should be oMr decision. I don't understand."

  "Philip, I am very tired. I need to sleep. I don't want to nurse the baby. I plan to go back to work after a decent interval. I don't want to have to rush home to feed him."

  "You'll change your mind after you hold him. Pll let you sleep now. I need to get cleaned up myself. We have a wonderful son, Sallie. Who knows, he might be president of the United States someday. Thank you, SaUie, for my son."

  SaUie watched her husband as he left the room. Did her father act like Philip when her brother Seth was bom? Did her mother dote on her firstborn the way PhiHp was doing? Of course she did. First-bom sons. She tried to imagine Philip's reaction if the child had been a girl. She knew in her heart he wouldn't have said a word about bottie-feeding if the baby was a daughter.

  It felt so wonderful, so blissfiil, to be free of pain. The midwife had

  told her a hundred rimes during her labor diat the pain she was experiencing would be forgotten the minute the baby was born. "It's the easiest pain in the world to forget when you set eyes on your own child, the child you and your husband created."

  That's the way h
er mother must have thought. Since her own labor was unlike any that her mother had experienced, that set her apart. She wasn't like her mother at all. She wasn't going to dote on this first son of hers. It would only bring heartbreak in the end, the way it had brought heartbreak to her mother. She wasn't going to be the kind of mother who gave her heart and soul to her child simply because he was a boy. No son of hers was going to break her heart.

  I hate you, Seth Coleman, and I don't even know you. I don't care if you are my brother. Because of you I can't allow myself to love my son. It was your responsibility to take care of Mama. You were the oldest. I blame Josh, too. Mama gave you life, and thenyou tumedyour back on her. She's up there and she knows whatyou did. [purely hate you, Seth Coleman, I truly do. Someday I'm going to find you. I always do what I say I'm going to do, and I'm going tojindyou.

  On what should have been one of the happiest days of her life, Sallie Coleman Thornton slept, her heart full of hatred for her faceless brother. When she thought about her son it would always be in relation to her brother Seth, and for that reason she would never allow herself to bond with her firstborn child.

  Sallie Coleman Thornton had become a mother in name only.

  On the fifth day of young Ashford Philip Thornton's new life, his mother left her bed for the first time and on wobbly legs ventured down the hall to his room.

  Guilt overcame her when she stood over her son's cradle. The temptation to pick up the little bundle was so great, Sallie had to clench her fists to stop herself She knew if she held the child, she would become the mother Philip wanted her to be. She would become her own mother all over again, raising a son like her brother Seth, who ended up breaking her mother's heart. Instead, she stared at the child, her heart hammering in her chest.

  In the moonlight she could see how much he resembled her. For some reason she'd thought babies were bom without hair. This child had a crown of golden ringlets. He was going to have blue eyes like hers, too.